It is hard to believe it has been 5 whole months since little G arrived in the world. It’s cliche to say “it goes by so fast” – but it really does. I think in an effort to survive each day between feedings/changings/naps, you truly forget how fast that day passed.
This weekend I visited a very dear friend of mine and her absolutely perfect newborn. I can’t even remember when G was that little. They are so helpless and so absolutely dependent on you.
I know I take a lot of pictures. I post a ton of them for others to see because 1. I like to share and 2. because I just really love taking pictures. I am not going to lie and say it doesn’t make me sad when I get made fun of for my “millions of baby pictures” online, but then Kyle reminds me it’s my page and if I want to fill it up, then fill it up I shall. It makes me happy. The funny thing about pictures is it makes everything look like perfection 100% of time – as if G never cries, always sleeps through the night, and never ever has a messy diaper.
That kid cries all the time. He has never slept through the night – not once. (Which means I have not slept through the night in 5 months either). And his Grammy can confirm, the boy has some DISGUSTING-clothes-ruining diapers. That’s the thing about being a mom. It’s easy to overlook and forget those parts for that 2 second giggle and ear to ear grin. All worth it.
Mommyhood really goes like this: Wake up at least 3 times a night (sometimes to feed, most times he just wants to say hi), CONSTANTLY be thinking about feeding (whether actually doing it or making bottles for later), changing diapers almost every 5 minutes it seems, work a full time job, keep a clean house (unsuccessfully), somehow shower, lose your mind and yell about something….sleep for 3 hours until it’s time for midnight feedings.
Not that I am complaining – because I love every minute of it. But, I can’t read anything on the internet anymore because moms are brutal on each other and try to paint every day/second as you should be doing x,y,z or you are a terrible mom. Luckily, I have a close group of mom friends that I ask questions about just about anything.
Breastfeeding is a full time job in and of itself. Seriously. You are CONSTANTLY thinking about it. Your life becomes 3-4 hour blocks and you plan your day accordingly. You bring coolers/pumps with you everywhere you go. You keep privacy covers in your bag at all time. ITS. ALL. YOU. THINK. ABOUT. It’s worth it.
And if all that is not enough (the sleep deprivation, pressure from internet moms, raising a happy healthy baby, working a full time job, etc) you also have to make sure you are putting enough time in your relationships. Whether with your spouse, family, friends, etc. Poor Kyle has had it the worst. I’ll yell at him because I’m tired, or because I misunderstood something and yes, sometimes when he deserves it. (But in all truthfulness, he is an EXCELLENT father. And I am a tired mama. And he makes time/patience for both the Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde versions of his wife.) A baby will definitely change the dynamic of a marriage and it’s like relearning your spouse all over again and falling in love with them in a new way. Seeing the man you married be a dad is the most incredible thing. I also try to find time for all the other roles and people in my life because they are all so incredibly important to me. Sometimes I fail. Believe me, nothing crushes my spirit more than if I let someone down.
And I do cry. Sometimes ugly ugly UGLY cry. And that’s ok. Because if internet moms were more honest, they would admit they cry to.
…I also make time to dance every afternoon because it makes my spirit happy. And I take daily bubble baths because I deserve it. And Kyle and I play and laugh and lay in the grass and look at the trees with Gavin because he loves it.
Life is exhausting. Life is good. Life is blessed. Life is worth every second.